What you need to know about the anus
The job of the two sphincter muscles in the anus is to push out faeces rather than to let any objects in, which means they have to be coaxed gently. The outer sphincter is the one that is controlled voluntarily by relaxing it to allow defacation. The involuntary inner sphincter contracts reflexively if an object is inserted, and is the source of excruciating pain if you try to rush anal penetration. With practice, some control can be exerted over the inner sphincter if you are patient and take it slowly.
The anal canal is under one inch long and leads to the rectum, which is 5 to 9 inches long, which in turn leads to the colon where faeces is stored. When you have a bowel motion, faeces pass from the colon through the rectum and out the anus. Afterwards, the rectum cleans itself so unless you have had a recent bowel movement, you are likely to encounter only traces of it in anal play.
The rectum has two curves, which you will need to bear in mind if inserting an object longer than four inches. After the anus (about 1 inch), the first section of the rectum is about 3 inches long and is tilted towards the belly button. Then it curves towards the spine for a few inches, before curving slightly again towards the belly. If you’re penetrating further than four inches, make sure the object is flexible so that it can curve gently with the rectum. Angle it towards the belly button first and then gently upward after the first curve. Any object longer than 9 inches is likely to head into the colon – the faeces storage site. Also bear in mind that people are unique and no two rectums are exactly the same.
The lining of the rectum is delicate and the tissue is easy to scratch or tear – and so bodily fluids can enter the bloodstream from the rectum. When inserting an object, make sure the surface is smooth and the object is flexible enough to follow the curves of the rectum.
Isn’t anal sex messy?
Not particularly, but if you’re a bit squeamish about the whole process, here are some tips on keeping it as sanitized as possible. Bath or shower beforehand, inserting a soapy finger (use a soap-free cleansing solution such as those advertised for feminine use) into your anus to clean it gently. Some people rinse themselves out with water using a turkey baster syringe or an enema, but the latter is not advisable as it requires some skill.
Keep some unscented wet wipes (or baby wipes) handy during anal play. You may prefer to pop on a surgical glove, finger cot (used to clean babies’ teeth) or condom before inserting your finger, toy or penis into the rectum. Dental dams (for oral sex) are advisable for anal rimming, or cut off the tip of a condom and pop this on your tongue. Place a dark coloured towel under you so you don’t need to worry about leaving any hard-to-clean traces. Alternatively, run a bath for a worry-free session in the water. Once you get over any initial fears of leaving traces behind and you realize anal play is not as messy as you’d imagined, you’ll become more adventurous and less concerned about this aspect.
Tips to pleasure her:
A small, well-lubed finger in her anus, another in her vagina, and an expert tongue on her clitoris is synonymous with heaven for many women. Or during penetrative sex, pop a finger in her anus and stimulate her clitoris simultaneously to tip her over the brink into orgasm.
Can she orgasm from anal sex?
Most experts say this is unlikely, but that if she is close to an orgasm it may just do the trick, especially in combination with other stimulation.
What are good positions for anal sex?
- The missionary position, with knees bent and the legs pulled up towards the chest.
- Rear entry – the receiver lies on their stomach with a pillow under their hips to raise their backside.
- Spooning – lying side by side with the penetrator’s chest snuggling into the receiver’s back.
- The receiver straddled on top, the penetrator lying flat on their back underneath.
- The receiver standing and bending over.
What shouldn’t I do?
- Don’t attempt anal sex when you are drunk or stoned – you need to have your wits about you so there’s no inadvertent tearing or risk-taking behaviour that may lead to an STD.
- If the stimulation produces pain that is sharp or shooting or it feels like there is tearing, slow down and use more lube – and move much more gently.
- Don’t move from anal penetration directly to the vagina without first thoroughly cleaning the penis or penetrative object – or use a condom and pop a new one on between the two acts. If you do, you may give her a bacterial infection from tiny traces of faeces.
- Guys, don’t try the “Oops – wrong hole!” trick on her. Thrusting suddenly into an unprepared and unlubricated anus will hurt. Like hell. Many women have been put off anal sex for life this way.
- If she agrees and you have anal sex together, don't ask for it all the time.
A note about infections
As with vaginal intercourse, STDs including HIV, herpes, gonorrhoea, chlamydia, genital warts and other infections such as Hepatitis A and B can be transmitted in unprotected anal sex. Faeces may also carry parasitic infections and bacteria such as salmonella. We recommend you use a latex barrier, especially in oral-anal play.
Next:
What to do in anal play
- Solo anal play
- Anal play for couples
What toys are great for anal play?
