Photo: Theo / Creative Commons

Many women are unnecessarily embarrassed or ashamed of their genitalia because they don’t look like the images they see of other women’s genitals, or because they think theirs look ugly in comparison.

This insecurity naturally affects a woman’s sexual self-esteem. What has created such insecurity in many women, and what can be done about it?

Representation in the media
Sadly, most women don't realise that there’s absolutely no need to be insecure because our genitals vary so widely in appearance that there is no ‘normal’ way they should look. The reason that women develop complexes about their genitals has a lot to do with the way our genitals are represented in images and films – images that represent anything but reality. The majority of them are fiddled and tweaked to make them ‘pretty’ or ‘tidy’ for the sake of the viewer.

While the penis is on view in most art galleries, in every shape and hue for all to see, the female genitalia barely feature. If you want to see them, there are two main sources: medical drawings that are ‘tidied up’ to look neat and symmetrical so they are easy to navigate, and porn images that are ‘prettied-up’ and shaved for the benefit of the viewer. Both are misleading and both have helped create needless insecurities in women.

Our genitals are mostly asymmetrical
The reality is that most women’s external genitals or vulva are not symmetrical and they vary so widely in appearance that there is no ‘normal’ benchmark or ‘right’ look. Some vulva resemble a clam and some are more like an iris, while the colour ranges widely. Some are bright pink, some a dark purplish-brown, and most are somewhere in between. The texture of the skin can vary widely, from completely smooth to completely wrinkled. The clitoral tip also varies widely in shape, size, colour and the extent to which it juts out from under the clitoral hood.  

Female genital mutilation
Many cultures practice female genital mutilation, in which girl’s external genitals are partially or totally removed (in Africa, an estimated 92 million girls have undergone this, according to the WHO). The clitoris is often targeted (a clitoridectomy), which destroys the victim’s right to experience clitoral orgasms (about 80% of women need direct clitoral stimulation to orgasm).

If you haven’t had your clitoris removed or your labia surgically altered, consider yourself lucky – and decide now to throw out any hang-ups you have about the way your genitals look. They are designed to perfection to carry out their function, and what they actually look like is so much less important than what they do, that it’s really not worth worrying about.

Find real images that confirm our diversity
If you are still concerned that your genitals look abnormal, do yourself a favour and invest in one of the fantastic books filled with images of the wonderful diversity that exists in female genitalia – such as Joani Blank’s Femalia, A New View of a Woman’s Body by the Federation of Feminist Women’s Health Centers or Betty Dodson’s Sex for One. You might learn a new appreciation of yours.

What’s critical and yet shouldn’t be taken for granted is that our genitals bring us pleasure (and our partners by virtue of being able to pleasure us and them). It is of no consequence whether they look like somebody else’s notion of what is ‘pretty’ or neat.  

Men's genitals also asymmetrical
The fact is our bodies are simply not made symmetrical. Most women’s breasts are not identical, for example. One is usually bigger or hangs lower than the other, and this is perfectly normal. Men’s genitals are just as asymmetrical as ours – one testicle usually hangs lower or is bigger, and most penises typically curve to one side.

So if we think we are different from most other women, we’re right. We all are, and that’s perfectly normal. Our bodies are unique in the way we look, the way we respond to touch in sex, and in the way we age sexually. Our bodies are there to serve us, and to serve us well – not to conform to somebody else’s notion of what is and isn’t ‘acceptable’.

Throw out insecurities and love with abandon
We need to accept and love the way we are, and love with abandon. Enthusiasm is what most people love in a lover, more than youth and supposed physical perfection (which is unattainable because sex appeal is so much more complex and nuanced than a physical stereotype).

We all inherently seek a lover who loves pleasuring us, and does it eagerly and with great gusto. Undoubtedly, one of the hallmarks of a great lover is giving pleasure without holding back.

Photo: Robadob2003 / Creative Commons		It’s time women stop worrying about how they look naked, or whether their lovers notice their cellulite, droopy boobs, flabby tummy or protruding genitalia. When you're giving your partner fantastic, mind-blowing oral, your stretch marks or iris-shaped labia will simply not register anywhere in the resulting ecstasy. And no doubt they’ll happily play a prominent role in that blissful journey.
________________________________________________________________ Sources of information: the sex inspectors masterclass – Tracey Cox and Michael Alvear The Good Vibrations Guide to Sex – Cathy Winks and Anne Semans The Big Bang: Nerve’s Guide to the New Sexual Universe – the writers at Nerve ______________________________________________________________________________________

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