‘Foreplay’ has to be one of the most inept choices of words in the sexual lexicon. It does women a huge disservice by implying that what comes before penetrative intercourse (‘sex’ to many people) is just a nicety and not the real thing.

For the female gender, it is the real deal - because without it, she's unlikely to orgasm.

Guys wouldn't accept sex without penetration
For a woman, bypassing foreplay in sexual activity is like a man doing without penetrative intercourse or oral sex to climax – without it, sex isn’t sex. It’s barely warming up. So it’s ironic that this essential part of great sex for women receives less and less attention for many long-term couples as time goes by and for some couples, little attention right from the start. It’s not surprising that women often become increasingly dissatisfied in the bedroom.

Why foreplay is essential for women
One of the reasons that foreplay is essential for women is that just as guys need an erection in order to have penetrative intercourse, women need foreplay to get their bodies ready for penetration. Sex can hurt if a woman is not sufficiently aroused because without vaginal lubrication, the friction may cause tiny tears in the vaginal walls. The second major reason is that roughly 80% of women can’t orgasm from penetrative intercourse – they orgasm from direct stimulation of the clitoris. So without clitoral stimulation (which often gets lumped with foreplay), sex for most women is uneventful at best and seriously disappointing at worst.

I have a problem with getting an orgasm during lovemaking when he is inside me. I only orgasm when playing with my clitoris, after which I get dry and then it’s very hard for him to penetrate me. I lose interest after that. I’m afraid to tell my man that I don’t reach an orgasm when he is inside me – I just fake it and the worst thing is he thinks I feel that  pleasure.  

We have been married for 15 years and my husband is 7 years older than me. I please him well and he leaves me high and dry. Lovemaking does not last long as he comes quickly and I’m still very aroused. He loves going down on me but he does not do it for long enough as he gets so aroused and just wants to make love, and then I’m left high and dry.

I am more sexual than my partner and this sometimes upsets me a lot. Like this weekend. We started out all hot and good and he said that he was going to finish off and then please me until I had an orgasm. I liked the idea and helped him get off. Then he lay down next to me and pulled me in closer, but there was no more action from his side. This really upset me because he says one thing and does another. I know that making love is not the most important part of a relationship (we've been engaged since December and have known each other since June 2007) but to me it is very important. And I don't want to feel unsatisfied after a session of making love. I hope that this doesn't sound selfish, but I feel he takes what he wants and then leaves me high and dry. What can I do to prolong his urge to finish and help him crave me more?

I’m 27 years old. I have 2 kids. Since I have been with my husband I have never reached an orgasm but recently I felt one. It was a good experience but now I don’t feel it anymore. Is my husband doing something wrong or is it me? And what should I do to keep it happening?

What if you don't know how to tell your boyfriend that you like oral sex and also that you want to change position during sex? And what do you do if there is no open conversation about sex?

If you haven’t yet ventured into the part of sex that makes it great for women, here’s some tips on how to thrill her with skillful foreplay.

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